Okay so a couple things before I begin, First I started going to the library again, Yay for super reader dawn! Oh if you don’t know I read like a maniac especially when I go to the library because I always end up getting at least five books, haha.
For some reason it’s been hard to write this, and I really don’t have an explanation as to why it has been so difficult. Perhaps just because so much has happened in the past two-three months that processing all of it and believing it all is well still ongoing. But don’t worry I am getting a hand on all of it, and it’s all coming together.
This is my story, my account of all that has happened. It’s my life here and now, and before I begin, know that I am happy. I found what I was looking for.
There was a time when I was happy with him, I won’t lie about that. There was a time, when I could only imagine my future with him, married, kids and the like. Then little by little my perfect world I had imagined cracked. The cracks as cracks do, only got bigger. As much as I tried to patch them and repair us back to what we once had. There was no use in the end, close to the end bigger holes formed, and I honestly then just didn’t want to be alone. For awhile not being alone, over rode me actually being happy. Then one day it just clicked, I couldn’t live my life this. I couldn’t live a fractured life. I deserve to be happy, truly happy, and I hadn’t been in a very long time. Honestly if YOU are reading this I don’t think there is anything you could of done, to fix it. It’s not something you “fix” . We were radioactive, and eventually bound to blow. That’s exactly what happened.
Now, I’ve had a friend (my best friend) Benjamin for thirteen years. He was one of the first people I met when I moved in the sixth grade. For the longest time him and Corey were like brothers, I loved both of them, and still don’t know what I would of done without either of them. They got me through some very rough times. I always felt really close to benji and we have always had a connection. Well in the light of everything that has been going on we have gotten closer per say. So one night both of us put our feelings out there and it was mutual. So as of April 20th 2013, I am in a relationship with my best friend. It’s amazing. And what I love so much is that being in love with him doesn’t make me love crazy…it doesn’t make me go through the horrible ups and downs of the usual “love me, love me not”-game. There’s just that warm feeling, like a wave that goes through my body from head to toe when he is near, and the confidence that I can rely on him no matter what happens.I don’t have to be superwoman around him. I can be the goofy, silly, crazy, weird, screwed and crippled and wounded me around him and he still think I’m the most gorgeous girl in the world.
I don’t except most if any of you to understand this, but I love him. Some say we are moving fast, but neither of us feels that way. It’s like after 13 years of waiting everything fell into place and it just clicked and it feels right. I am happy and am just looking forward to the future. Whatever it may bring, better be good though.
Angel With the Scabbed Wings 